Starting Again
by DropsOfJupitter
Summary: He couldn't take it anymore. It was never him. He never got a shot. So what does he do? The only thing he's good at, running. But the person he's running from won't let him go without a fight.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first fanfic, so please no horrible comments, I will get better! Sorry the summery so terrible, not good at them! Please review!**

Ziva sighed, and slumped back in her chair. She briefly closed her eyes, after the hard that week case she was thankful to finally be alone, since everyone had left at least an hour ago. She heard footsteps entering the bullpen. She quickly opened her eyes as Tony came to a halt in front of her desk.

"Why?" One word which had a thousand different meanings.

"Why what Tony?" She huffed impatiently.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WHY ZIVA. You- you could of died today." Taken back from his sudden outburst she sat straight up in her chair, and stared at him.

"Well I am still here." She whispered softly

"What about next time, and the time after that? When you're not so lucky? Have you ever thought about how I- we, we would feel if something happened to you?" He sighed exasperated, as he ran his hand over his sleep-deprived face. Ziva cocked her face to the side.

"Why do you care?" Ziva whispered sharply.

Tony looked at her with horror on his face; she knew he had a hit a nerve now.

"WHY DO I CARE? ARE YOU SERISOUSLY ASKING ME THAT QUESTION?" He shouted tired of all their games.

"Tony please-" She was cut of by the ringing of her phone. Ziva sighed and quickly glanced at the caller ID _Ray _it read. The one person she really didn't want to face right now. She pressed down the reject call button and looked back up at Tony.

He was looking at her with a calmer expression but had a hint of something else on his face, something she couldn't work out.

"Was it _him_." He questioned, not really wanting an answer.

"If you mean Ray then yes, it was he." As she tried to look into his eyes, but Tony deflected her gaze once again.

"You better get back to him then" He spat

"Tony, please can we talk about this" Ziva tried to plead.

"Zi. You know how I feel about you. I told you and you, I just- I just I don't think I can do this anymore." Tony softly whispered. He walked backwards and slouched against his desk, and looked up at Ziva.

She looked into his eyes, what she saw there physically hurt her. He had unshed tears with pain and sadness reflecting from his eyes.

"Tony…" She whispered softly "I-I am married to him. He is not the best man, but we are still married." Ziva spoke quietly, and rested her forehead against her arms.

"I just don't think I can keep on doing this Zi. I can't keep on putting on a brave face and carrying on smiling. I just can't watch you smile to him, and how he gets to touch and kiss you… I just can't do this anymore." Tony whispered as he bore a hole into the carpet with his stare.

"Tony… Please he has done nothing to deserve this, I can not just hurt him like that…"

"Well. I'm glad that's settled, Agent Cruz, I'll be seeing you tomo- I'll be seeing you." Tony put on a fake smile and headed toward the elevator. Ziva watched after him as she broke down in tears. She wanted to be with him, she really did but everything was so complicated. Their boss, rule 12. And Ray. The man she was supposed to love, supposed to be married to. But now, all of this was becoming tiring. She was tired of caring, she was tired of pretending to be happy with Ray, but what did he expect her to do? They had only been married for 2 months. She couldn't break his heart like this, it would be selfish.

xox In Tony's POV xox

As I stopped at the red lights I tried to blink the tears away as I rested my head on the steering wheel. Why? Why did she always pick the other guy? Did she not see what it was doing to him? It was eating him from the inside. It physically hurt to see her smile at a guy, the way he wished she would smile at him. He couldn't take anymore. He made his decision. As he headed for the next right he couldn't help think if this would hurt him more.

**Oooh what's Tony going to do? Please leave a review, even through its bad I promise it will get better! My next chapter will be up shortly.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wow! Thanks everyone for the reviews and follows! Didn't expect to get this many on my first story! Ok, so here's chapter two, I hope you all like it!**

**Last time:**

_Did she not see what it was doing to him? It was eating him from the inside. It physically hurt to see her smile at a guy, the way he wished she would smile at him. He couldn't take anymore. He made his decision. As he headed for the next right he couldn't help think if this would hurt him more._

**xox**

As the tires of his car crunched along the gravel on the drive, Tony glanced at the clock on his dash _11:37pm_ it read. _Maybe I should come back tomorrow _he thought _No. No. By then I will have chickened out._ As the car came to a halt at the top of the drive, Tony slowly unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car. He padded toward the big rustic house and pressed the doorbell, _once_ then _twice. _He heard shoes shuffling to the door and latched being unlocked. Finally the door swung opened, revealing none other than Director Vance.

"Dinozzo, what are you doing here it's-" He paused as he raised his arm to check his watch on his wrist. "It's twenty to midnight, you better have a good reason for this visit" He growled.

Tony looked up at him "Director I want to be reassigned." He spoke with fake confidence.

"And this couldn't of waited till tomorrow, Agent Dinozzo?"

"No sir, please. I really need to be gone by then" Tony softly replied, whilst gently kicking the gravel with his foot.

Vance sighed "We only have one opening, again on the Sea Hawk, but you hated it there-" "No I'll take it," He quickly said.

Vance looked at him in shock. "Ok then Agent Dinozzo, we'll get you flown out in the early morning, in the mean time get your bags packed and I'll do the paperwork." Vance briefly replied whilst turning back into his house, he opened a oak draw on a dresser and handed him some forms.

"Sign these and be at the air station at 2am sharp"

"Thank you sire, it means a lot." Tony took the paper and walked back to his car. He opened the driver's side door and slowly got in and placed the papers on the passenger seat, then drove off. _Am I making the right decision? _He thought, he shook his head as images of Ziva and Ray popped into his mind. _I am, I can't watch them together, and it will ruin me. _Confident with his decision Dinozzo sped up as he joined the highway.

**xox**

As Ziva opened the front door to her and Ray's apartment, she sighed. _Why was everything so complicated between them? Why couldn't everything be normal? _She thought to herself. As she trudged through to the lounge, she through her bag on the floor as her 'husband' came through.

"WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?" Ray screamed in her face. Ziva grimaced. She forgot to call him back. He had a rule that he knew where she was, every minute of every day. Yet another thing she hated about her dear husband.

"WELL?" He screeched

"Ray look, I was working late on some paperwork." Ziva pleased as she backed away from him.

"WELL WHY DIDN'T YOU PICK UP YOU PHONE?" Ray shouted as he walked toward her.

"Please Ray, it was on silent, I didn't mean to miss your call!" Ziva nearly shouted at him. _What have I done? _She thought _why did I pick him over Tony. Kind, caring Tony, he would never do something like this to me. I have to sort this entire out between us. I can't loose my best friend, and figure out what to do with my 'marriage' if you could call it that. _She was broke out of her trail of thoughts when her back hit the wall. She was cornered.

"AS LONG AS YOU LIVE WITH ME, YOU WILL TELL ME WHERE YOU ARE EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY! ARE YOU CLEAR?" He spat with his finger pointed directly at her face.

"No." She whispered. She wasn't going to live a life of hurt and anger. Ray took another step forward. He raised his fist. She ran. Into the bedroom scrambling for the draw. He ran after her. She spun round just as he got to her.

**Oooh so whats going to happen to Ziva! Reviews really inspire me, so if you have time please leave one! Thanks to everyone for favorite/follow/reviews! There really appreciated! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Wow! I can't believe how many followers and reviews this story has, considering it's my first story! And I'd like to say a special thanks to Courtzlovesit who has been reviewing every chapter so far, so thanks!**

**Last time:**

"_No." She whispered. She wasn't going to live a life of hurt and anger. Ray took another step forward. He raised his fist. She ran. Into the bedroom scrambling for the draw. He ran after her. She spun round just as he got to her._

**xox**

Before she could react he had snatched the gun out of her hands. In an attempt to defend her self-Ziva threw the lamp at his head but he dogged it. She was trapped. Images of Somalia came flooding back to her. Defenseless. Scared. Weak. He breathing picked up as these violent flashbacks whirled through her mind. She broke out of her headspace when Ray started shouting at her.

"I THOUGHT YOU COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE ZIVA. THE NICE LITTLE HOUSEWIFE WHO LISTENS TO HER HUSBAND. BUT NO IM STUCK WITH YOU. A DISOBEDIENT LITTLE BITCH."

As he started walking towards her, gun pointed at her chest she froze. She wouldn't see her team again. Gibbs, Abby, McGee, Ducky, even Palmer. Tony. She wouldn't see the man who actually cared about her. She couldn't live with that. She flung herself over the bed, Ray jumping after her. She reached on top of the dresser and snatched up her spare revolver. She turned around. BANG BANG BANG.

It was all over.

Ziva crumpled to the ground in tears. After a good 10 minutes of crying she picked up her phone and called Gibbs.

"Ziva?" A concerned voice answered.

"Gibbs... I shot Ray. He's...he's dead" Ziva sobbed into the phone.

There was silence at the other end of the phone for a minute.

"Ok. It's going to be ok. I'll call the team and metro and we'll be round in 20 ok?" Gibbs asked

"Ok" Ziva whispered then hung up.

Tony. She had to call Tony he was the only one who could comfort her right now, and that's the one thing she wanted. So she took her phone and pressed 1 on her speed dial. It didn't even ring. An unfamiliar voice at the end of the line kept on repeating "The phone number you have dialed, has been disconnected" Ziva stared down at her phone. _What's happened?_ She thought _why has his number been disconnected?_ She was tore out of her thoughts by a knock at the door. She sighed and shakily wiped her tear-flooded face. She slowly walked to the door and opened it. Two cops in uniform stood there.

"We were told there was a shooting at this address ma'am, by a Special Agent Gibbs?" The police officer looked at her with concern.

"Yes...yes, come in" She hoarsely whispered. She showed them to the bedroom where her now deceased husband lay. She couldn't bear to look so quickly walked back into the lounge and sat against the armrest of the couch. The door was still open waiting for the team to come in.

A few minutes later they all walked in, minus Tony. Gibbs walked over to her and placed a comforting hand on her shoulder and McGee gave her a reassuring smile.

"You alright?" Gibbs asked softly

"Yeah I am now... Where's Tony?" She asked upset he wasn't here. Even through they've had their fights they always make up, and he's always there for her.

"We don't know. We thought he'd be here with you" Gibbs answered

"Oh" Ziva replied saddened.

After they had finished at her apartment they all went back to the headquarters, Gibbs allowing Ziva to come along since her apartment was a murder scene. Still shaken she sat down at her desk and looked across to Tony's desk. Surely he can't be still mad at me after everything that's happened she thought he always is here.

When she looked up from her thoughts Director Vance was stood at the entrance of the bullpen.

"Agent David I hope your okay after tonight's events" Vance said

"I am" She answered uncertainly

"Well to cut the small talk, that wasn't the reason I came down to see you all. I assume you have all noticed Agent Dinozzo absence" Vance started

Ziva looked up in horror, what had happened? Was he ok?

Vance carried on "Agent Dinozzo came to me asking to be a reassigned to the Sea Hawk. I would of thought he would of come to say good bye to you all but a apparently that's not the case." Vance announced

Ziva sat there frozen. He's gone. I can't do this without him. She tried to hold her tears in as Gibbs spoke up.

"When's he leaving?"

Vance looked down at his watch

"In around an hours time." Vance finished and walked off back up to his office.

Ziva's heart constricted the thought of Tony leaving her life forever, she couldn't handle that. He couldn't just leave. Leave her. She needed him the most now. She quickly got up still shaken from that night events grabbed her coat and ran out of the building. Gibbs or McGee didn't bother stopping her, because they both knew she needed Tony right now. Realizing that she took a lift with Gibbs on the way there she went out into the street to find a taxi. One quickly screeched to a halt next to her and she quickly jumped in and gave the taxi driver his address.

The whole way there she couldn't keep still. _What if I've missed him? _She thought. She couldn't stand the idea of him leaving her life she needed him. Physically and mentally.

The taxi came to a halt outside Tony's building she through her money in the front of the car and ran off in the direction of his apartment.

She raced up the stairs, since the elevator was far too slow, and came to a stop outside his door. She breathed in and out a couple of times and wiped her tear stained face with the sleeve of her coat. She knocked twice at his door. The door slowly opened, because of not being shut properly. She took two steps into his apartment and what she saw froze her to the spot.

**Ok, so this was a longer chapter than I normally write, but hopefully you like it! Please review, as it inspires me to update faster. The next chapter might not be up until Tuesday, as I have been updating this story everyday so far, and its getting a bit exhausting! Thanks for reading!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for all of these follows and reviews, I really appreciate it! SO this chapter is up earlier than I thought it would be, since it is half term and everyone's gone on holiday do I'm stuck all by myself**** Anyway, enjoy!**

**Last time:**

_She knocked twice at his door. The door slowly opened, because of not being shut properly. She took two steps into his apartment and what she saw froze her to the spot._

Tony. Her Tony. She hadn't missed him after all. He was hunched over sat on the couch with something in his hands. He hasn't noticed her yet, as she made her way towards him. As she got closer she realized it was a picture of both of them. Abby had taken it at the last thanksgiving. Ziva was smiling and Tony had his arm around her waist also smiling. She loved that picture she had it at her home on her bed side table, the last thing she saw at night, and the first thing she saw in the morning.

After tearing her eyes away from his hands she realized he had been crying. Because of her. Because she rejected him. Her heart physically hurt at the thought of her making him cry, making Ziva want to start crying all over again. She thought she better make herself known otherwise she would scare him, so she cleared her sore thought and winced at the pain. His head shot up, alarmed by the intruder in his apartment, but slumped down again once he realized it was Ziva. He quickly hid the photo in his hands.

"What do you want Agent Cruz" He questioned harshly.

She couldn't take it anymore. She burst into tears. All the emotion that had built up within the last 24 hours came pouring out. Tony immediately regretted his words and quickly stood up and rushed to her side. He snaked his arms around her waist and pulled her into him. She buried her face into the crock of his neck while she sobbed.

Tony whispered comforting things in her ear, while she tried to stop the tears. Once she had gotten back in control of her emotions, she looked him in the eyes and swallowed.

"He's gone" she whispered hoarsely from crying so much.

"What do you mean Zi?" He asked comfortingly.

"I...I shot him..." She whispered again and looked away from his shocked gaze.

"What?...why, Zi, why?" He asked

"He... He had been hitting me for a couple of weeks now. It got two far. I thought he was going to kill me Tony. I could not cope with the thought I would never see you again" She whispered whilst wiping her face the her sleeve, with Tony's arms still around her waist.

"Oh Zi... I should've been there... I should've stopped him, I'm so sorry" He whispered whilst caressing her cheek.

"No, no I did not tell you. How could you expect to stop something you did not know about? It was not your fault, it was his." She reassured him.

They stood there for two whole minutes until Tony broke the silence and looked down at his watch.

"I have to leave in 10 minutes" He whispered carefully to her

"What?!" Hurt and shock waved through her words.

"Zi, I signed the paper, I'm being airlifted to the Sea Hawk in 20 minutes, it's all been signed, I really wish I could change it but I cant" Tony whispered

Her eyes were alarmed and flooded with pain and sadness

"Please Tony, please. I cannot do this without you. Please I made a mistake, please stay with me I cannot do this by myself." She whispered on the verge of tears again.

"I know my ninja, I know. But maybe some space between us for a while is what we need" Tony replied softly.

Ziva looked shocks. Her eyes filled with pain and upset as well as unshed tears. She tore out of his grip and ran out of his apartment sobbing.

_Why cannot he see?_ She thought _I made a mistake. A big one. But now he is pushing me away when I need him the most._

**xox **

Tony sighed. He had really messed this one up all right. He wanted her. More than anything, he wanted her. But she was confused; she had just killed her husband, even through out of self-defense she still would be shaken up, and just denies her pain. _Wait_ Tony thought _She didn't this time. She came to me with her pain. She admitted to me that she needed me. But I pushed her away. I ruined this. Dammit Dinozzo, you really need to sort this one out. _He grabbed his coat and ran out of his building.

His car came to a sudden halt outside NCIS HQ and he quickly sprinted up into the Director's office. He burst in and Director Vance looked up in shock.

"Agent Dinozzo, shouldn't you be at the air station by now?" Vance asked

"Please sir I need to stay, here I made a mistake" Tony pleaded

"Well Agent Dinozzo the forms have already gone through, I'm afraid you cant come back here, your now Special Agent Anthony Dinozzo head of crime on board the Sea Hawk" Vance stated.

"No please Sir I need to remain in D.C" Tony tried to plead again

"There's nothing I can do, Agent Dinozzo my apologies.

Tony began to become angry. He had to stay in D.C for Ziva, _his _Ziva. She needed him. And there was no chance in hell Vance was sending him on that ship.

"I resign then" Tony threw at him

"Are you sure about this Agent Dinozzo?" Vance asked completely serious

"Yes Sir I have to stay in D.C no matter what."

"Ok then I will put your papers through, I will need your gun and badge first thing at 8am."

"Ok" Tony said then sprinted out again. He needed to fin Ziva, she needed him. She said that herself and he just ignored her cries for help. He ran down the stairwell and into the parking garage. He reached his car, jumped in and speeded off into the night, towards Ziva's apartment. One question was running through Tony's mind _What if she didn't want him anymore?_

**Wow, okay so this is my second to last chapter, so the next one will be the end of this story**** Thanks to everyone who has been reviewing and please check out my other story, and I will be posting a new fanfic very shortly after ive finished this one. Reviews inspire me to update faster!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Wow! So hears the last chapter, thank you to everyone who has reviewed or followed or favorited at any point I really appreciate it!**

**Last time:**

_He ran down the stairwell and into the parking garage. He reached his car, jumped in and speeded off into the night, towards Ziva's apartment. One question was running through Tony's mind What if she didn't want him anymore?_

**xox**

Tony began thumping Ziva's door violently with his fist.

"Ziva! Zi! Please I made a mistake, please Zi, and let me in!" He shouted through the door.

"Please…Zi" He said sounding defeated "I'm so so sorry" He whispered through the door. He heard shuffling on the other side of the door. He listened as the safety latches were being undone and the door unlocked. The door swung open to revealed an upset looking Ziva. Her eyes were red and puffy showing she had been crying for hours.

"What do you want Dinozzo?" She asked coldly

"Please Zi, please forgive me… I made a mistake, please," Tony pleaded

"I believe you made your feelings very clear earlier Dinozzo" She replied refusing to make eye contact with his searching eyes.

"Please Ziva, just hear me out"

Ziva was about to immediately reject this offer until she realized that _she _made a mistake and he listened to her.

"Fine" She muttered and left he door open for him.

**xox**

Back at NCIS Gibbs made his way up to Vance's office to request a shift change with the other NCIS team. He barged his way through as normal and sat down opposite Vance at his desk.

Vance finally looked up with raised eyebrows.

"What can I do for you Gibbs?" The Director questioned

"I want a transfer the Agent Johnsons team, a lot of things have gone on lately and I think the team needs some time to recover" Gibbs stated.

"Yes I agree with you, but you need to pick a new agent" Vance said while he handed Gibbs the agents files.

"What?"

"Agent Dinozzo has resigned." Vance replied

"Why? Why did you let him do that?" Gibbs demanded

"He has transferred to the Sea Hawk, then wanted to be transferred back I wouldn't allow it"

"Dammit Director Vance, he is my best agent I need him on my team, and my team need him" Gibbs angrily replied

"I'm sorry Gibbs I cant be messed around like that"

"He has been here for 10 years he has done outstanding work for the whole agency, he deserves another chance" Gibbs almost shouted at Vance.

"Agent Gibbs, if I give Dinozzo ONE last chance will you leave my office and leave me to my whisky and paperwork?" Vance sighed

"Yep"

"Fine he has his job back, now get out."

**xox**

Ziva sat down on her couch and curled her legs underneath her body. As Tony walked in Ziva looked over and out of the window gazing at the bright streets of the D.C night. Tony must of sat down next to her as she felt the couch sag.

"Zi, please forgive me. My head was a mess; you had just come to me and confessed you killed your husband-" Ziva cringed at the reminder of that nights events. "-And I was all set to leave. You had gone from rejecting me to needing me; it was a lot to process. And I really regret how I reacted, I'm so sorry Ziva."

Ziva took a while to ponder over what he had just said. It was a lot to process and she didn't blame him for reacting like that. But she needed him – correction she still did. But he walked out when she was in pieces and needed his comfort. She thought about over the years, he had _always _been there for her. Always. In the past it was her that had always screwed up, but he always forgave her.

"I understand" She croaked, her throat sore from her constant crying.

"What?" He asked shocked, he didn't expect her just to forgive him like that, let alone forgive him in the first place.

"I said I understand. I understand why you reacted like that, I would of done the same thing in your position." She whispered

He didn't know what to say. They had finally gotten past all of this shit that was stopping them form being together, but he still wasn't sure if she was ready for this yet.

He slowly reached his hand over, giving her time to react before he touched her. She didn't slap his hand away or do anything to stop him, so he carefully placed his hand on her knee.

Ziva's floodgates opened once again and she started sobbing. Tony moved over and carefully took her into his arms. She buried her head in the crook of his neck, inhaling his strong comforting scent. He whispered comforting things in her ear and rubbed soothing patterns on her back.

Ziva reached up to Tony's ear and managed to whisper into it

"I love you Tony"

He leaned down and sincerely smiled at her.

"I love you to Zi." She went back and buried her head into his neck until she fell asleep.

Tony carefully picked her up bridal style and took her through to her bed. He slowly placed her down on her bed and wrapping her up in the covers.

He turned around and was about to head to his car when he heard her whisper to him.

"Stay" One simple word. He turned around and she had her arm stretched out toward him and her eyes barely open.

"Okay" He whispered back.

He carefully took of his shoes and took her hand then climbed into bed with her. As soon as he lay down Ziva wrapped herself around him, using his chest as a pillow and draped her leg over his. Tony wrapped his arm around her body and brought her as close as she could be to him.

Tony's phone buzzed and as carefully as he could without waking the woman in his arms reached over and checked it. _1 new message, sender: Gibbs._ Tony flipped his phone open and smiled at the message, _don't you even think about looking for a new job Dinozzo, yours is here waiting. _Tony smiled at the message and mentally thanked Gibbs. He put his phone back and went back to snuggling his partner, his Ziva.

And they lay there in each other's arms, now and forever. Tony sighed contently _Looks like I am starting again _he thought as he smiled at the woman in his arms.

**Okay well that's it! I hope you all liked it! I did try but I know there is a lot to improve on, since this is my first fanfic! I'd like to thank everyone who has reviewed, followed or favorited, it means a lot! Until next time!**


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